Burroughs Adding Machine

Social justice, arts and politics, life in New York City

KFC’s Breaded, Heart-Attack-Inducing, Too-Over-the-Top-Not-to-Be-Real Nightmare

This product (and let’s call a spade a spade: there’s nothing natural here) reminds me of the first time I saw Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin. Too unbelievable, too satire-worthy to be true.

How wrong I was.

KFC’s Double Down sandwich: two breaded, recombined, deep-fried chicken patties (where the bread used to be) holding together two slices of bacon, melted processed cheese, and the Colonel’s “Special Sauce.” Being peddled in this commercial only by male actors (there’s nary a peckish female KFC patron in sight).

Mark Morford of The Huffington Post penned this hilarious ode:

Did you notice? How in one pseudo-food item, you are consuming not one, not two, but the mutated, chemically injected flesh/byproducts of fully three different distended, liquefied, industrially tortured creatures? Feel the love, pitiable animal kingdom.You got your chicken-like creature, your pig-like creature, your dairy cow-like creature, all wrapped in a $5 fistful of nausea, ready to strangle your heart and benumb your brain. God knows what’s in the “special sauce.” Maybe some sort of fish byproduct, just to round it all out. It’s like a wild kingdom in your mouth! It’s like a toxic zoo in your colon! It’s like a suicide note from what’s left of your brain! “If you eat this, you are a complete and total idiot, and we’re through. Signed, You.”

I kid you not. Drive through your nearby KFC and witness for yourself: this baby’s the real thing. Ready to send your cholesterol through the roof.


Filed under: food, health, , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response

  1. health foods that are organice and have natural source should be the stuff that we should take :;:

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About Me

Ricco Villanueva Siasoco is a Manhattan-based writer and non-profit manager. More

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